So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
