I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
