Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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