I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
