I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
