only if we run a train.
done.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
