she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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