Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
