so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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