we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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