So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
