If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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