some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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