Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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