I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
