Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
