just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
