It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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