My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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