After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
