he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
