yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
