I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
