Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
