it hurts more in the daytime
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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