So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
