and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
