And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
