Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
