I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
