pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
