You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
