She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
