If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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