she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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