I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
