Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
