Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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