My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize