Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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