I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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