Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
