you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
