I'm so fucking centered right now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
