she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
