I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
