So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
