So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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