He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
