I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
