Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
