It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
