Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
