$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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