i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
