i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
