she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
