His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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