I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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