Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
