It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
