im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
