Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
