Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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