I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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