I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
