walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
