just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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