Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
