well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
