He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
