Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
