You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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