my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to sanitize my soul.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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