you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
