He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
