It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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