I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
