We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
