Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
