I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's never too late to be topless.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
