I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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