apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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