fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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