i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
